The McVie Show

Episode: This Is Not Yet Season Two, But...

The new look in The McVie Show is thanks to our current production designer, Kervs! I asked him to impress me... and lo and behold!

Maybe you, my dear audience, are not that impressed, but hey, you're not the one with the microphone, hahahaha!!!

Episode: She Says… He Comments

With apologies to Ms. Leigh Valera, I got quotes from her blog. She believes in the following; my comments are as follows:

Good grammar saves lives. But fastening your seatbelt is more effective. Shouting, “It is raining, isn’t it?” will not stop your body from smashing through the windshield during a head-on collision any more than shouting, “It is raining, aren’t they?”
Love is an omnipotent idiot. Ergo, those who lose their minds over love are even more idiotic. (Too bad they're not omnipotent too.)
A equals not A. A-wan ko kung ano’ng gusto mong pahiwatig dito, Leigh.
Kissing someone is not the best way to get to know him. Okay, no more kissing—we’ll just go straight to sucking each other off.
Taking a chance comes before making a choice. Taking a chance IS a choice. What a conundrum.

Musical Interlude: Mixed Emotions by The Rolling Stones

Gosh! My jukebox has been very busy this day!

I’ve been wrestling with myself the past 72 hours, how to feel, what to do… journeys to take, paths to leave behind. Questions to answer and to solve. Then I remembered the saying: Life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived. Plus I read a great poem in the book 10 Poems To Change Your Life which echoes that sentiment. (Unfortunately I left the book at home so I’ll have to post it at a later time.)

In lieu of that poem, here are the Rolling Stones.

Button your lip baby,
Button your coat.
Let’s go out dancing,
Go for the throat.
Let’s bury the hatchet,
Wipe out the past,
Make love together,
Stay on the path.

You’re not the only one
With mixed emotions.
You’re not the only ship
Adrift on this ocean.

This coming and going
Is driving me nuts.
This to-ing and fro-ing
Is hurting my guts.
So get off the fence
It’s creasing your butt.
Life is a party
Let’s get out and strut.

You’re not the only one
That’s feeling lonesome.
You’re not the only one
With mixed emotions.

Let’s grab the world
By the scruff of the neck…
And drink it down deeply,
Let’s love it to death.
So button your lip,
And button your coat.
Let’s go out dancing,
Let’s rock ’n’ roll!

You’re not the only one
With mixed emotions
You’re not the only one
With mixed emotions

Musical Interlude: Love The One You’re With by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

This song is whole-heartedly dedicated to my lovable guest hetero on The McVie Show, Randy! If you cannot love Miss Valera, love your girlfriend na lang. Hindi ba dapat lang? Smiley face!

And for the others, just change “girl” to “boy” and viola! May relevance na rin. You know who you are….

If you're down and confused
And you don't remember who you're talkin' to…
Concentration slip away
Cause your baby is so far away.

Don't be angry, don't be sad,
Don't sit cryin' over good things you've had,
There's a girl right next to you
And she's just waiting for something you do.

Turn your heartache right into joy
She's a girl, you're a boy,
Get it together make it nice
Ain't gonna need anymore advice.

Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
Love the one you're with, love the one you're with

Episode: The McVie TALK Show, Part 2

Panelists of The McVie Show, our next topic is as follows: It seems that Miss Leigh Valera is not interested in Randy, despite his persistence. If you were Leigh, how would you turn down Randy without hurting his feelings?”

Miss Valera, you can be the judge which among the suggestions you’d want to use on Randy.

Game na!

Episode: “Houston, We Are Ready To Launch.”

Fresh winds blow from the South, heralding new and unexpected things.

Life is full of ironies. Like this one: ladies and gentlemen, McVie has decided to allow himself to experience love.

Decided? you may ask. Yes, decided.

Ask people to define love and you can get many answers: an emotion or feeling, a commitment, a decision, a disease to be avoided like the plague, a weight or burden to be shouldered. In the advanced-for-its-time afternoon cartoons “Wait ‘Til You Father Gets Home,” Harry Boyle’s paranoid war-freak neighbor Ralph defined love as evil (“Don’t you get it Harry? Love spelled backwards is e-v-o-l!”).

For me love is a combination of the emotional and the rational. It is a dynamic push-and-pull, give-and-take interaction between emotions and rational choices.

One can feel love towards another but choose not to act on it for whatever reason. The movie The Remains Of The Day is a beautiful and heart-wrenching example of how a could-have-been love slips irretrievably from the couple’s grasp for the last time in the pouring rain. Maybe one was not ready; maybe the other was fearful. Maybe both wanted it, but neither acted on it.

On the other end, emotions come and go. They wax and wane. Long-time couples talk of dry spells in their relationships. What can they do until they get their second wind? They decide to stick together, they choose not to give in to temptation (if any). Rationally they wait it out until emotional winds come and sweep them off their feet again.

I always imagined that one day I’d fall for someone who would also fall for me, sparks will fly, we’d get together and then we’d be happy-ever-after amen. All my life I’ve been the one falling for guys who sparked my interest, never the other way around… until recently.

And here’s irony number two: my attention was actually on someone else, another one who sparked my interest. I had already told him I had a crush on him. But he begged off, saying let’s just be friends, he wasn’t ready and could I wait? So I crushed my “crush” feelings and decided to be a friend instead.

Then HE came out of the blue. He didn’t sweep me off my feet. I wasn’t even attracted to him at first—if ever, I just saw him as a potential friend. But he liked me. After a night together, he fell for me. I was wary—I liked him, yes. But where were the sparks?

Another weekend spent with him. He was caring and sincere. He was sweet. He won me over, in spite of me. It’s all his fault… wait a minute, that’s what Alanis would say.

So two nights ago I was at a precipice, trying to decide. Should I let go and fall, or should I stay back and be safe?

Then I remember my first time at the Space Shuttle roller coaster in Enchanted Kingdom. That mixed feeling of fear and excitement—I never felt more alive than when taking that plunge down the Shuttle.

Let go. Live life. Let love in.

Oh boy, this is going to be some journey. Yes, what happened to Space Shuttle Columbia could also happen here—crash-and-burn. But without the risks there’ll be no rewards. And as the song in The Fantastiks go, “without the hurt the heart is hollow.”

I know I cannot always rely on my ever-active mind to always be on top of things. With love, anything goes. I’ll just have to try my best to stay as levelheaded as I can. Yeah, right—like keeping my head above water as the waves of love come crashing down on me.

Wish us best.

Musical Interlude: Liberation by Pet Shop Boys

Take my hand,
I've changed my mind again.
Really, I believed it true
That all who fell in love were foolish.
But I was wrong,
I've learned that lesson well—
All the way back home at midnight
You were sleeping on my shoulder.

Take my hand,
Don't think of obligations…
Now, right now,
Your love is liberation...

To free in me
The trust I never dared.
I always thought the risk too great,
But suddenly, I don't hesitate, so…

Take my hand,
Don't think of complications…
Now, right now,
Your love is liberation!
Liberation!

The night, the stars—
Our light shone through the dark.
All the way back home at midnight
You were sleeping on my shoulder.

Take my hand,
Don't think of hesitation…
Now, right now,
Your love is liberation!
Liberation!

STATION ADVISORY:

Mr. McVie's cellphone is currently NO BATT, so if you wanna get in touch with him off-screen, you can email him or call him on his office line. He'll be working til late... kinda.

Episode: Memories of a Proud Moment

I was at EDSA, February 1986.

I was in third year college. Classes were suspended to give way to what they called alternative classes—instead of philosophy or economics the class could discuss current events as they were happening. Outside the school walls, crowds were converging on the main thoroughfare of Metro Manila. Students had a choice to either stay in class or go and be counted at EDSA.

We in the theater group were in a quandary. We had a production (composed of three one-act plays) that was opening that weekend, but the whole nation conspired to bump us off. We had rehearsed for weeks; for the first time Leigh and I were playing leads in a fairy tale/romantic comedy (she was playing the not-so-pretty princess and I the not-so-dashing-nor-handsome prince—no, I’m not being humble, that was the point of the play.)

We had a heated debate as to what to do. The artists insisted we push through with the play because it was “our commitment to our public” while the more nationalistic ones wanted to drop everything and go to EDSA to fight for “something bigger than a mere play or production.” From the moderates, a compromise: put up a nationalistic play from scratch and perform in EDSA. Yeah, right.

In the end events overtook us. Marcos ordered the army to disperse the crowd; the nights became tense moments. Marcos then ordered the air force to open fire on the crowd; the pilots flying the planes swooped down on the crowd but eventually flew off. By that time, the crowd was swelling, swelling. We in the theater group felt we just had to be there.

So we went to Gate 5 of Greenhills where our school converted a bus stop into a command post of sorts. That’s where all the donations collected from the school were first dropped off, then distributed to the crowd or delivered to the soldiers holed up in the camp.

I remember sorting out canned goods. I remember carrying a whole box of McDonald’s hamburgers to the camp gate, where the soldiers eagerly accepted the donation. I remember walking the length of EDSA and seeing vendors hawking peanuts, fishballs, popcorn, “sa malamig” (cold flavored drinks). I remember seeing Daniel and his family—who came all the way from Alabang—strolling down EDSA, munching on chichiria (snacks) as if it were a Sunday stroll in Luneta Park. I remember videotaping a Tora-Tora plane. I remember nights where we’d sleep on newspapers.

I remembered to stay away from the tanks and the soldiers, as per Mommy’s pleas before I left the house.

One evening around 8:30, I decided to excuse myself to go home for a quick shower and change of clothes. When I got to Aurora, the vehicles still plying their route were honking their horns. “Umalis na si Marcos! Umalis na si Marcos!” (“Marcos has left! Marcos has left!”), the people were screaming in jubilation.

I ran back to our station in Gate 5. They were already giving away everything to anyone who was there—food, drinks, canned goods, clothes. Leftover fireworks from the new year were brought out and lit. Horns were honked and radios turned on full-blast. “State Of The Nation” by Industry was the hit of the moment: Don’t you worry ‘bout the situation / We’re only fighting for the state of the nation! It was the first—and still the biggest—street party ever mounted by the Filipinos.

We grabbed a box of McDonald’s hamburgers and two huge cans of orange juice and trooped to our friend’s house in Greenhills. On their lawn we had a picnic; someone brought out a guitar and we sang to our hearts’ content—of a new day, of a new hope, of a new country.

That was then. This is now.

And on with The McVie Show.

Episode: The McVie TALK Show!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The McVie Talk Show! I have here with me our very lively and witty panelists, and we’re going to ask their comments regarding the topic we have for today.

Let me introduce the panelists to you in alphabetical order:
Miss Maria Makiling himself, with his very own “magnetic hill”… Kervs!
Our resident techno-geek girl and manghuhula extraordinaire, Leigh!
Artist and designer by day, Diosa by night… ang kilabot ng mga security guards at aliens, Nelz!
Mysterious, mischievous… and a dogged devotee of the mountains of Leigh… randy Randy!
Music man, department secretary, and mash-up seeker, wild Xander… gander!
Unfortunately Daniel/Daniella is away on a trip abroad. But he/she will keep in touch via phone patch once in a while on our show.
Studio audience, you’re also free to just chime in.

All right, panelists! Our topic for today should be interesting for you guys. And here it is: Regardless of gender, who among the current panelists would you most probably—if not already—have a crush on and why?

Who wants to go first?

NEWS FLASH: Uh-oh Here She Comes

You heard it first here! After the ubiquitous Otso-Otso comes the next inescapable song for the masses: Pamela, composed by the same evil genius behind Spaghetti Song, Otso-Otso and Bulaklak hits. His latest stick-to-your-brain melody missile is sung by Vhong Navarro, with matching dance steps.

I’m already singing the refrain against my will. Soon I’ll be dancing the Pamela steps. Good luck to me. Good luck to us all.

Episode: Go Fish!

Being a Piscean, I’m loathed to fish for compliments. Instead I’m more interested in fishing for the truth, or at least an attempt at seeking it out.

Mr. Dandy Randy asked if he could post his impressions of yours truly. To quote him: “Can I also post my impression of you? some good...some bad.. some interesting... some bad?” (complete with smiley face).

I know that first impressions are just that—impressions. But I’m interested to know how I strike other people, especially the bad ones. Knowledge is a good thing—I may not agree with some, but with those that I do I can use that opportunity to improve.

So Randy, you haven’t exactly given me your “bad impressions” of moi. Well, now’s your opportunity. Bring it on! I’d love to hear from you and anyone else interested.

NEWS BREAK: Go Johnny, Go!

(from cnn.com)

Johnny Depp won the Screen Actors Guild award Sunday night for best actor in a surprise victory for his role as a swashbuckling pirate captain in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. He was not present to accept the award.

Top female honors went to South African-born Charlize Theron who won the Screen Actors Guild award for best actress in a film for her performance as a serial killer in Monster.

The cast of The Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King won the Screen Actors Guild award for best ensemble acting, the highest honor the acting group bestows.

Earlier Sunday night, Tim Robbins won the Screen Actors Guild award for best supporting actor in the crime thriller Mystic River and Renee Zellweger was named best supporting actress for her role in Civil War drama Cold Mountain.

The Screen Actors Guild, or SAG, awards often provide strong clues to the Oscar winners, the U.S. film industry's top honors which will be handed out next Sunday. The SAG awards are often seen as an Oscar predictor in acting categories because actors make up the largest voting block, some 1,300 members, of the 5,800 voters for the Academy Awards.

Daniella is so excited because she accurately predicted Johnny’s win. I’m happy because I thought Depp single-handedly stole the movie Pirates with his hilarious, fearless and finely crafted performance. It’s rare for a comedic performance to win in the Oscars, but while the odds are higher against him at the Academy Awards, I’m still crossing my fingers.

Episode: 1-4-3

I love you.

My experience with those three words has been spotty at best.

My family is not the emotionally expressive kind so we never say those words to each other. The only time I told my parents that and vice versa was at the end of the Days with the Lord retreat. And even then it was more out of obligation and social pressure than a heartfelt declaration. (On my part there was even an added element of relief, as in, “Thank God you guys have come to bring me home from this retreat!”)

On the romantic front I’ve often said—or tried to say—those words to mostly straight guys whom I’ve fallen in love with. Straight guys equals unrequited love equals “Yes McVie, I love you too… as a friend.” Yeah, right.

It was always me falling for someone, not the other way around. Oh I’ve heard of a girl or two having a “crush” on me but they soon found out we had more in common than just plucked eyebrows.

I’m not used to being told “I love you.” In fact I’m used to hearing three different words: “Ang galing mo!” (“You’re so good!”). They’re often said to me after sweaty and steamy sex in bathhouses and cheap motels. (Lest I be accused of overpromise, let me explain. Thanks to many years in theater and in advertising, I’ve learned two valuable lessons regarding recreational sex—performance level and pleasing the client. And just like Lea Salonga, I always give my 100%!)

So when someone recently told me “I love you” in a tone so earnest and sincere, I froze. The last time someone said that, it was in the middle of a frenzied make-out session in the bathhouse with a hunky stranger. “I love you!” he cried out two, maybe three times. I wanted to stop right there and then and blurt out, “Of course you’d tell me that when I have your dick in my mouth and I’m licking your balls!” But I was too busy and deep into my task that I let his verbal ejaculation go sans comment. Besides my mouth was full.

Now someone was telling me those words again… but at least this was after sex. “What have I done to deserve this?” I wanted to ask, but instead I just said, “Thanks.” I felt bad I couldn’t reciprocate.

It takes a while for me to trust a person enough to call him “friend.” It’ll take some time for us to get to know each other more before I can also say, “I love you, too” in all honesty.

In the meantime, I also hope I get used to being told, “I love you.” It’s a nice feeling, actually.

Episode: The McVie Top 5 (week of 16-22 Feb 2004)

[5 / last week: 4] Toxic / Britney Spears
Slip-sliding Spears. Only her wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am video with the homage to Alias is keeping this song here in the top 5.

[4 / last week: 5] The Way You Move / Outkast
This groovy song is a slow-burn one. I thought I wouldn’t like it this much for this long, but here it is still slowly inching up my charts. Who knows—could it eventually latch on to the number one slot? We’ll see.

[3 / last week: 2] Shut Up / Black Eyed Peas
Actually my enjoyment of this song did not diminish; in fact, I like it even more now. But the next song was just too irresistible…

[2 / new entry] I Miss You / Blink 182
…so it bumped the Peas down a notch. This Blink 182 song was already “inside my head” since last week, but I never caught its title or who sang it. Then this morning I had the long-delayed brilliant idea of googling the phrase “voice inside my head.” Lo and behold. Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

[1 / last week: 1] Stacy’s Mom / Fountains Of Wayne
My, my, my. With my top two, it means I’m in a guitar-and-drum rock-out phase these days.

Episode: Thank God It’s A Relaxed Friday

No wonder Friday was a slooow day: Leigh was busy working and shopping, Nelz was busy being promoted, Kervs was busy housecleaning, Randy was busy malling with his girlfriend… or so he says.

In other words, busy ang lahat.

Which is good. We need to unplug once in a while and connect to the real world.

*****

To celebrate his promotion, Nelz treated his brother and me (we work in the same company) to dinner and dessert.

If Nelz prides himself for having Kastilaloy blood, his younger brother Erwin is an indio “anak sa labas” of the Spanish friars, which gives him a hunky, swarthy appeal. I’ve had a crush on him ever since I saw him in a TV commercial years ago. Apparently a lot of Pinoys like that kind of appeal too; to date he has several commercials under his belt.

But tonight was the first time I got up close and personal with Erwin for more than five minutes. At first I had a hard time looking him in the eye, afraid he might pick up my thoughts and hidden desires. But after listening to him talk about girls and Metallica and their family cat and Metallica and Viva Hot Babes and Vigan and Friendster and Metallica… well, he became more real and down-to-earth for me.

It’s fascinating to watch the two brothers together. Such similarities yet so much difference between them. Erwin kept calling Nelz “Kuya” I wanted to butt in, “Shouldn’t it be Ate?”

When I passed by for the Brothers Agustin at Erwin’s desk, I saw him showing Nelz a picture of his girlfriend. “How old is she?” Nelz asked. “She’s 18,” Erwin replied.

Nelz immediately turned and thrust his finger at me: “I know what you’re gonna say, don’t say it!”

Like brother, like brother.

Musical Interlude: It’s Oh So Quiet by Bjork

Wow, The Show is quiet today! Hahaha! Well, that gives us all a bit of rest from the past two days. Besides, Fridays are often hectic for us all, preparing for a lovely weekend. And with that, here’s Bjork’s song:

it's oh so quiet
it's oh so still
you're all alone
and so peaceful until

you fall in love
the sky up above
is caving in

you've never been so nuts about a guy
you wanna laugh, you wanna cry
you cross your heart and hope to die

'til it's over and then
it's nice and quiet
but soon again
starts another big riot!

you blow a fuse
the devil cuts loose
so what's the use
of falling in love

it's oh so quiet
it's oh so still
you're all alone
and so peaceful until

you ring the bell
you shout and you yell
you broke the spell

gee, this is swell, you almost have a fit
this guy is gorge and I got hit
there's no mistake
THIS IS IT!

'til it's over and then
it's nice and quiet
but soon again
starts another big riot!

you blow a fuse
the devil cuts loose
what's the use
of falling in love?

the sky caves in
the devil cuts loose
you blow
blow
blow
blow your fuse
when you fall in love

Episode: I Call You On The Telephone

So last night Randy was finally able to get in touch with me in my office. We spoke for about 45 minutes or so on the phone.

*pause for more pa-effect*

He’s an interesting fellow, a lot quicker verbally than on The Show. He refused to divulge anything about himself, preferring to be mysterious. In fact before he called me on his landline, he asked me if my local has caller ID.

*pause again, look to the audience*

As in!

*natigilan*

As is!

*natigilan uli*

(Shit, take three.)
As IF!

*breaths a sigh of relief*

Okay. So he didn’t reveal much directly. But it’s interesting what he indirectly revealed.

Now you, my dear audience of The McVie Show, can also read between the lines and get to know more Mr. “Randy” Randy! Just email me to get a full transcription of The McVie Show Presents: The Randy Conversations, Live And Uncut! Only Php150 a copy. Or supply your own cassette tape and I can dub for you a copy of the full taped interview. Only Php300 for dubbing.

Order now! Limited supply only so first cum, este come, first serve! Per DTI-NCR Permit No. 069, Series of 2004.

(Talk about “line extension” products! Hahahaha!)

Episode: To Sleep, Perchance to Blog

Whew! So I had a presscon for a new gag show lunchtime. Afterwards I had to produce—take a deep breath—10 15-seconder plugs AND one 30-seconder within the afternoon. Not to mention print and radio requirements leading up to the show’s premiere next week.

I was already getting sleepy because I was running primarily on adrenaline… but then The Show picked up steam and suddenly I was wide awake.

Now the episode “I-career Ko Ba?” is the highest rating EVER.

But maybe I should stop using that ever-ever qualifier. I’ve a feeling the audience is just getting into the swing of participating. I just hope this doesn’t get too distracting at work—all of us here are working stiffs (ooh, “stiff”! hehehe…) and I don’t want any of us to get in hot water over an online show.

That said… on with the show!

P.S.—Now even Daniella is checking out other people’s blogs. Isn’t this so much fun! Hey Randy, why not start your own blog, eh?

Episode: Let’s Get Things STRAIGHT, Shall We?

For the regular viewers of The McVie Show, the producers would like to apologize for being relatively quiet this Thursday morning. Yours truly slept at 5am, woke up at 9 to be able to prepare and be at a presscon by 11.

HOWEVER!

I must react to the Top Five Reasons Why Randy Didn't Call:

1. What? He gave me his office number?? How can we have sex on the phone when he is with his officemates doing overtime?

Sex on the phone is painful, especially on a rotary type. As for cellphone sex, only vibra-mode is a viable option.

2. The movie "The Nights of Serafina" was on Cinema One. Randy got engrossed...."ang ganda."

You chose that over my wild flower?! Ganda mo.

3. Randy didn't think that the effect of Melatonin will be within 30 minutes after taking it.

Jet lag? Aba, out-of-the-country ba ang drama mo, Randy?

4. Randy, being jologs, forgot to buy extra "Evolve Prepaid Card P100." In short, naubusan ng load at hindi nabasa ang ang telephone number ni McVie.

Ay ang cheap.

5. Finally... Randy is not yet prepared to make the cross-over. After all, Ms. Leigh has not officially rejected him yet. (paging Ms. Leigh...SOS!!!)

Some other time McVie...Good Morning

AT LAST!!! The truth shall set you free, Randy. Your sexual preference is really Leigh. You’re a “bi-curious”, meaning curious ka lang sa mga bayot dito sa The McVie Show. But when push comes to shove, you’d rather be pushing up Leigh’s hills that are alive rather than having me shoved down your throat (or yours shoved down my throat, whatever. As I’ve said, I’m a sucker… for audience participation.)

Ayan! Now back to work for me. Plus I can feel the effects of adrelanin wearing off... I'm getting sleepy na. Sheesh.

Episode: I-career Ko Ba?!

“What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.” – Benjamin Disraeli

I look back at where I am right now professionally and I think, “Hmmm, I never really planned this to be.” Life is what happens when you make other plans.

I wanted to be a filmmaker but ended up applying for radio and TV stations.
I wanted to be in broadcasting but ended up working for CCP.
While in CCP, my former colleagues from college called me to help set up an AM radio station.
Two-and-a-half years after college, I entered radio.
Then I got invited to join advertising.
Five years later I was dying to scratch my other itches, so I left advertising to pursue theater.
I also pursued a career in directing for commercials.
Desperate for cash, I rejoined advertising and learned to love it more the second time around.
Out of the blue a headhunter called me, inviting me to join a major network.
Twelve years after college, I joined television.
Three-going-on-four years later, I’m still advertising in television.

The times I threw myself off a cliff in pursuit of something, I ended up somewhere else. More often the opportunities just presented themselves, and I was just wise and lucky enough to have grabbed them when I could.

And now on a personal level, an amazing opportunity presented itself just a few hours ago. I’m reeling in mixed emotions.

The quick wooden rabbit jumps over the lazy fire horse.

That this weekend is going to be interesting is an understatement.

Episode: Playing The Ratings Game

Ladies and gentlemen, it is official: “That’s Entertainment” episode is now the highest rating episode! It beat “Miss Communication Arts” by just one participant! (As of a little past midnight on Feb. 19. Of course participants can still add comments to the two episodes, so we’ll see….)

Good gosh, the way The McVie Show is on a roll these days, I’m suddenly worried how to keep this up. One can only raise the bar higher and higher.

My weekend schedule is suddenly more hectic. I’m still attending a birthday party and dinner that I’ve said yes to 3 weeks ago. And I have a weekend visit to fulfill also. Now I have to squeeze Randy’s… oops, I mean, Randy into my weekend schedule.

Gawsh, I never thought maintaining an on-line show can be just as hectic as producing a program on-air!

(Now, what can I do to top this? Hahaha!)

Episode: More Packed Than An Episode Of “24”… Or John Holmes’ Crotch

What a day, what a day, what a mighty… hectic day!

Man oh man. Putting on a show is no joke, but launching a television show while putting on The McVie Show is a laugh-‘til-I-drop-dead juggling act. And I’m still to produce two more plugs, not to mention getting ready for a presscon tomorrow. Kill me now, please.

Thank god my regular audience is getting more and more adept at taking up whatever slack and dead air there is on The Show. Talk about self-satisfaction!

But despite these, The Show must go on! And so, let me repeat again and again for the second time in a row… Randy, quid pro quo, tit-for-tat, you show me yours, I show you mine: let me see your pic too.

The McVie Show audience’s inquiring minds are dying to know.

P.S.—In Miss Leigh Valera’s blog, you stated that her hot pink swimsuit makes you want to climb her mountains. Perhaps you want me to borrow Leigh’s outfit and wear it on Sunday? Will that make you want to climb my… er, Chocolate Hills?

Episode: Hang Loose

This morning at the gym after showering, I discovered to my horror that, in my rush to get out of the house, I forgot to pack any underwear! This is probably the third time this happened to me.

The first time it was on a weekday, so lunchtime I rushed over to Crossings Dept. Store in Quezon Avenue to buy a pair. The second time was a weekend, so cross over to Crossings again.

But today is shaping up to be a very busy and hectic day (but I will still keep The Show going, seeing as things are, er, getting interesssssssting!) I don’t know if I’ll have the time to step out.

Worse comes to worst, I’ll be hanging loose and fancy-free the whole day. Wheee!

Swing low, sweet chariot. Knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s door. I’m hanging on a moment here with you…!

Episode: That’s Entertainment

from the movie Gladiator
Maximus (to the crowd): “Are you not entertained? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! Is this not why you are here?”

In the interest of further entertaining ourselves, the producers of The McVie Show would like to make this special request to Mr. Randy: may we request for an interview / Q&A with you? Inquiring minds wanna know, y’know?

Taking off from your questions in Leigh’s blog, here is our initial set of questions:

[1] Ballpark age of Mr. Randy: (a) 18-20 (b) 21-23 (c) 24-26 (d) 27-29 (e) 30-beyond
[2] Sexual orientation of Mr. Randy.
[3] His Status: single and looking, single and not looking, etc.
[4] Will he EB with a much older man?

We await your answers.

Episode: Take A Bow, the Day Is Over

It’s just one of those days. Sigh.

My team had a major sabit at work. A scheduled plug did not air on time. Our fault: things fell in between chairs plus mechanical breakdown equals disappointed client. And this is the same client who was ecstatic last Friday. Sigh.

Well, you take the good as well as the bad. But here in The McVie Show, the audience wants to be entertained. They need to be entertained cuz their lives are shittier than mine. So it is ironic that the ones helping me entertain the audience is… the audience themselves.

I must commend my wonderful audience for making The McVie Show a hilarious diversion. Without you guys, girls and gays, The McVie Show won’t be as lively as it was today.

Take a bow people!

(canned applause)

Don’t you guys realize it is within your power to cheer yourselves up?

Episode: A Chorus Of Comments Creates Chaos

Thanks to randy Randy, “Miss Communication Arts” has become the Episode with the Most Number of Participants Ever!

I rate that episode a “C+”!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Musical Interlude: The Politics Of Dancing by Re-flex.

This morning while driving to work I heard this 80s song. It’s been a while since I last heard it, so I was pleasantly surprised how much I missed it. Thank god I already have a copy of this one-hit wonder. Dancing, feeling good, joking… they all have politics. How very apt.

We got the message
I heard it on the airwaves
The politicians
Are now DJs

The broadcast was spreading
Station to station
Like an infection
Across the nation

Well you know you can't stop it
When they start to play
You gotta get out the way

The politics of dancing
The politics of ooh feeling good
The politics of moving
Is this message understood?

We're under the pressure
Yes we're counting on you
That what you say
Is what you do

It's in the papers
It's on your TV news
The application
It's just a point of view

Well you know you can't stop it
When they start to play
You gotta get out the way

The politics of dancing
The politics of ooh feeling good
The politics of moving
Is this message understood?

Episode: Miss Communication Arts

I’ve stated this before but it doesn’t hurt to say it again, especially since I’ve been told that hurt was inflicted on the innocent.

The McVie Show is not a literal translation of actual events. It is not a documentary.

It is a mockumentary. It is a comedy show wherein people, places, events, incidents—in other words, reality—can be tweaked and twisted for mocking. Reality is warped for comedic purposes. The intention is to induce ha-ha’s, not inflict hurt.

That said, I realize that it’s possible the audience may miss the comedic intentions and take things personally. This is especially true for new audiences of The McVie Show. For that I’m deeply sorry. Kindly accept my apologies.

I’m thankful for my long-time friends like Daniella, Jake, Leigh and Xander, who know me well enough not to take me seriously. The smart ones among them ask me directly if they are unsure; the wise ones have learned how to properly read between my lines.

But I’m here primarily to entertain, to please my audience. So audience feedback is necessary. I’m thankful for those who do give me feedback on what I write. If I offend anyone please let me know. That way I get to know my audience more.

Thank you for watching.

Episode: Horrors Class

When I was in grade 5 our school instituted the honors class system. They got the top 4-5 students from 9 different classes and dumped them all in one class. Luckily I was top 3 in my class in grade 4, so I got in.

Our class remained intact until grade 7. Most of us moved on to the same high school that also had the honors class system. So I saw the same set of faces for seven straight years, some even more (I had a classmate since grade 3 and one since prep!)

By the first year our class developed into several major camps which remained intact for years:

[1] The Brainiacs – The ones who got really high grades, talked about movies and music, had sleepovers, and were not into discussing about girls (at least not until high school). They were often teachers’ pets. Notice I didn’t say nerds. Most of us were already nerdy; some even considered the whole class “a bunch of nerds.” But while all were to a degree nerdy, the Brainiacs took studiousness to a whole new level. They were the ones who always got first honors (92+ average). For some strange reason I got into this group. Me and my then best friend Mark (now the late Mark S., the tragic victim of a hit-and-well-good-thing-the-taxi-driver-didn’t-run-but-brought-my-friend-to-the-hospital-where-he-was-declared-DOA) were the ones in the group who often got second honors (87+ average) or honorable mention (83+ average) only. Still we were accepted into the group; must be our charming personality and panache. We Brainiacs viewed the next camp as our natural opposites and looked down on them with disdain.

[2] The Bad Boys – The ones who didn’t study, copied off one another, partied a lot, played well in sports, got invited to soirees and flirted with the girls. They often got in trouble with the teachers. Most of them languished in the mid-to-lower ranks in class. But they seemed to be having more fun. They viewed us Brainiacs as their natural enemy and wanted nothing to do with us. I wouldn’t be surprised if they called us faggots behind our backs.

[3] The Moderates – They didn’t get ultra-high grades, but they rarely got Cs. A few were even consistent first honors but distinguished themselves from the Brainiacs by being good in sports. They also tend to steer clear away from the tension building up between the first two camps.

[4] The Rest Of The Class – They weren’t exactly the silent minority, but often they kept quiet and let their actions do the talking.

Because of these divisions, we had difficulty reconciling the notion of class unity versus class reality. For several years, different class moderators hammered into our heads, “You must be united as a class!” but we knew we weren’t. Still we put on this faux unity to fool our teachers, to fool ourselves.

During 2nd year high school a stolen Game-And-Watch (the precursor of Gameboy and Brick Game) plus a paper-throwing incident brought things to a head. Our class moderator, a gay Jesuit who now is an authority in ancient churches throughout the archipelago, forced the class to a bull session. Words were exchanged, hurt feelings exposed. Still no class unity.

All throughout I maintained a low profile. I tried not to antagonize anyone but I never went out of my way to befriend people from other camps.

But something happened during 4th year high school. Maybe it was the threat of having our last year together. Maybe it was because nerds from other classes replaced some of our failing classmates. Maybe we just grew up and accepted one another. By 4th year we were able to work as a class without getting into each other’s nerves. We learned diplomacy and patience. We developed a live-and-let-live attitude. Some even managed to cross camps and befriend former enemies. Two became even more than just, ahem, “friends.” Maybe it was Gays… este, Days With The Lord.

Whatever it was, we graduated from high school a class united in our differences.

Now I’m just happy whenever I bump into a former classmate, regardless of camp. It’s the acknowledgement that we were both part of a unique class, a class that tried its hardest to be united only to succeed when we stopped trying.

When we first had our 10th year reunion, our batch was shocked to discover that our all-boys batch had become co-ed. Yes, one of us had a successful sex-change operation and is now physically a girl (paid for by his, I mean, her parents, no less!) This year marks our 20th year since we graduated from high school. I wonder what wonderful surprise awaits our batch come reunion night.

Episode: It’s Getting Hot In Hurrr…!

I just finished shooting the Viva Hot Babes for a pictorial. Yes, the beautiful belles with the malalaki at mababangong bulaklak were all there in the studio, along with a lot of male crewmembers (suddenly everyone was assigned to that studio) and not a few lesbians (at first I thought they were plump-y boys until I heard them talk). Their handler was also a lesbian. Figures.

There they were, all 12 of them (or all jiggling 24 of them, as far as the boys were concerned). They wore identical skimpy floral two-piece: bra top and short-short skirt.

Most of them were friendly, especially the new ones who looked like puppies eager to please. And they all smelled good. Smell, you ask? Hey, I had to wade in amongst them while blocking them for their shoot.

I was wearing a dark t-shirt and black jeans; I felt very butch in that outfit. Most of them were addressing me as “Sir.” Some even dared to give me that fluttering eyelids look, as if to make sure that I’d put them in a more prominent block. “As if!” I shouted in my head.

I was all business at first, but some of them were so sweet and accommodating I found myself flattering them and then I checked myself, “Hey! Am I flirting with them?!” Gasp! Reality check, please! I was merely being “showbiz.”

After the last take, they thanked the photographer and me profusely. One even went up to me and gave me a peck on the cheek. “Thank you, po!” she said. I could feel the eyes of the cameramen and the other guys in the crew on me. Lucky bastard, they may be thinking. Hah!

Ate a very late lunch at 4:30 in the afternoon. I wish they’d produce a show featuring the Masculados. Care ko ba kung talentless ang mga hitad.

Episode: VD: Shake The Disease

VD or Valentine’s Day Saturday began early for me: I had to go have Orlando’s right tire vulcanized. Now that particular Goodyear tire has pointy ears and can do a mind meld.

Next I had to wait for more than an hour for the dermatologist to get to her clinic. Apparently she had 2 laser surgeries that morning and was running very late. I was about to give up and tell her assistant I’d just reschedule, but she said, “The doctor’s on her way already.” Good thing I waited. The doctor has extremely white, stretched-looking facial skin and 80’s-style tsunami hair. She took less than 10 minutes to examine, prescribe and scribble illegibly. She prescribed a particular anti-fungal spray that’s currently out-of-stock (I’ve already gone through five Mercury Drugstores and two Watson’s Drugstores.) Shit siya.

Nothing unusual happened at the gym.

By 4pm I was at Shangri-la Mall to meet Kervs for the first time. In his blog Kervs said, “I really didn't expect him to be shorter than me, and he didn't really expect me to be tall, mutual misconception.” Yes Kervs, I am just 5’5” though many—not just you—are kind and generous enough to insist I’m an inch taller than that. Yeah, when I’m in heels, hahaha!

He gave me via Bluetooth (Hooray technology! Hooray Sony-Ericsson!) two new themes for my cellphone, including one that looks like the computer interface of a Federation starship in Star Trek. Now my precious phone is also Vulcanized. Thank you, thank you, Kervs!

We went to pick up Nelz at his house in Cubao. We three faggoteers chit-chatted for a while then we got a brilliant idea: drop by Leigh’s house for some tarot reading.

Wow! The three most participative audience members of The McVie Show with yours truly, together under one roof. It was the Saturday Night Live Edition of The McVie Show!

At Leigh’s, her friend Rome and her sister Bit were also there. Turned out Rome and Nelz knew each other from college. Turned out too that Nelz knew quite a few of Leigh’s other friends (the ones I’m not close to, in other words.) It was a very it’s-a-small-world-after-all, 6-degrees-of-separation moment.

Leigh took Nelz into her room for a private reading. After 20+ minutes, Leigh came out of the room and lit up a cigarette. Nelz followed a few seconds after, exclaiming, “She’s damn gooood!”

My eyebrows shot to the high heavens. “Are you sure you two were just reading cards in there, ha?!”

Leigh froze mid-puff and shot me a “You-gotta-be-kidding-me!” look while Nelz threw back his head and laughed out loud.

“My god Leigh, have you converted Nelz to switch teams?!” I exclaimed. “Get away from him! Get away from me!”

Because Nelz was still meeting his twink fuck-date for the night at Cubao, we just rescheduled Kervs’ tarot reading for another time. As we were leaving, I being the copywriter said, “Hmmm, Three Faggots and a Seer. Sounds like a movie title.”

Leigh being the executive creative director of a multi-national ad agency, topped me with, “Nah. Seer Eye For The Queer Guys!” Shit. She’s damn gooood!

Back in Cubao, we met up with Mick. He’s 6 feet tall, only 19 years old, and infatuated with Nelz. Hmmm, Nelz is damn gooood.

We had a late dinner in HapChan, where there were still plenty of people even though it was nearly midnight. Mick was quiet most of the time, though he was laughing at the jokes we were making. The kid has brains. Let’s see: tall, dark and… well, check out his eyes in The Dyowza Chronilces (ayan, free plugging ha!) You can also read Kerv’s take on the whole night in Kervs’ Corner of Reality (ayan, another free plugging pa!)

Because it was very late, I brought Kervs home to Los Banos, Laguna. Los Banos is the City of Science and Natural... Something, as declared by former president Erap Estrada. It is also the home of the sweetest buko pie I’ve ever tasted. Thank you Kervs for introducing me to the poisonous delights of that buko pie: sweeter than Letty's, firmer than D'Original.

The next morning Kervs sent an SMS saying, “(Last night) is the best VD I’ve had to date.” I had to laugh out loud. If love is the disease, laughter is the cure.

And the song got it wrong: it is not love that’s contagious. Laughter is.

Love is potatoes. Seriously.

(You don’t believe me? Listen to the song again carefully. She sings, “Love is potatoes, and it’s all right, love is potatoooes!” Trust me on this one.)

Episode: The McVie Top 5 (week of 09-15 Feb 2004)

[5 / new entry] The Way You Move / Outkast
This one had to enter my top 5. Almost every morning for the past week I’d hear this song on the radio, sometimes twice a day. It’s like a sign telling me, “Like me! Like me!” I love the combination of rap/hip-hop and 70s soul grooves. Groovy-cool!

[4 / last week: 1] Toxic / Britney Spears
Tumbling from the top spot, Britney’s producer’s triumph still makes me gyrate, but without the initial excitement as before.

[3 / last week: 2] One Of These Days / Michelle Branch
Still hanging on, but she slips down a notch.

[2 / last week: 4] Shut Up / Black Eyed Peas
I know this song’s kinda old, but only now am I really enjoying it. Sometimes I wish I could just cut off some of my clients in mid-argument with a simple, “Shut up! Just shut up! Shut up!”

[1 / last week: 3] Stacy’s Mom / Fountains Of Wayne
Wheee! It’s simple juvenile joy. Hmmm… must be the theme of the week: go young! (Nelz, Leigh, Michael Jackson, who else…?)

Special Announcement:

The McVie Show wants to be the first to greet everyone watching—

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
HAPPY VD!

*a big, wet MWAH!!! to our loyal viewers*

Episode: Thank God It’s Friday

Gosh, I just love how this particular Friday has gone. And to think I wasn’t keen on it as late as mid-afternoon. But all it took was a fruitful brainstorming around 5pm, a “Wow! Ganda!” presentation around 6pm… and producing two gee-I-didn’t-think-it’ll-be-this-great plugs before midnight to turn a day around.

Sometimes it is our work that sustains us. We put meaning and importance to our work because there is worth in what we do.

The plugs I produce are meant to be high-impact, short-term. We often tell one another here in the office, “In the larger scheme of things, what we do isn’t going to change the world.” But our work keeps us productive, sustains us and—in my case, if done properly—provides entertainment to others.

In my line of work, we often finish late Friday evenings because we have to produce weekend plugs. We even end up going home early Saturday morning. So while everyone else is getting drunk, getting lucky or getting laid, we’re still figuring out how to tickle and tease our jolog and bakya audience in 30 seconds flat.

But we get a day like this… and it makes everything all worth it.

P.S.—As I’m writing this, on the monitor the breaking news: the Philippines has just broken the world record for most number of kissing couples within a 10-minute span. Whoopee. We dislodged Chile’s record. Now the people are celebrating with a party and fireworks. Double whoopee.

Hey, great fireworks… ganda!

Episode: Joke, Joke, Joke... Gloat, Gloat, Gloat!

I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, I’m oh so sorry dear viewers, but it’s really not often that I get this happy with my work so…. I mean, yes I like what I do and all that. But I rarely have a chance to bowl my client over with excitement because more often than not they’re so jaded and they’ve seen so many different creative executions (“creative” being a relative term, but let’s not get into that) throughout their career that they have this seen-there-done-that mode.

Well, this evening not only did I bowl my client over with excitement—she was freakin’ ecstatic. Kulang na lang labasan siya sa tuwa.

And to think, barely an hour before presentation I had no fucking idea what to present to her. Even during the last-minute brainstorming with my team, we hit upon the creative handle only towards the end of our meeting. But the moment it was pitched, all of us knew right away that THAT was the Big Idea that could pull it off.

Haaay! Who said Friday the 13th is unlucky?

Leigh! Pahula naman diyan o! Hahahahaha!

Episode: Fizzled Thunder

Got an SMS from an officemate saying, “Thunder From Down Under at 9pm tonight free! Text back ASAP!” (For those who live under a rock, Thunder From Down Under is an Australian male striptease act.) Strangely, it was easy for me to answer back, “Sorry, loaded with work until late tonight. Too bad. Pass and thanks!”

I was never really interested in just watching and window-shopping. I like to get down and dirty and to touch the merchandise. When it comes to men, I'm like Leigh: I'm a touch-junkie.

Episode: Just A Quickie Episode

There’s something about Friday the 13th. My clients are more demanding and insistent than usual—several projects coming to a head today. Speaking of “head,” I saw the cute guy at the gym again this morning, but while we smiled at one another, he doesn’t seem to be in the mood for a take two so soon.

My single female officemate is going around giving her Valentine’s gift to us all: chocolates (local only) wrapped in pretty pink cellophane with a red ribbon and a personal note saying, “May we always live the joy of loving every day!” May we in the office always live the joy of getting free sweets from her everyday, especially during merienda.

Busy as ever but still taking time out for The McVie Show. Yup, I have my priorities straight.

Episode: Despise Girl

Daniella, Stop right now, thank you very much. Who Do You Think You Are? You’re just a Wannabe in The McVie Show. You just wanna Spice Up Your Life so you join our discussions, thinking when 2 Become 1 then you’ll be part of The Show. Well, you’re wrong! You just make me wanna Holler!

Run home to your Mama. Say You’ll Be There so we won’t hear from you anymore.

It’s time for Goodbye!

(When push comes to shove, pa-baduyan na ito, pare!)

Episode: “My Life Is A Series Of Abba Song Titles”

The following was posted by Daniella in the Musical Interlude “I Don’t Know What You Want But I Can’t Give It Anymore” episode:

ABBA, you're challenging me? But will The Winner Take It All? Or is there Money Money Money at the end? I Wonder... Oh well, Super Trouper that I am, I'll say I Do, I Do, I Do!

McVie, I Have a Dream that one day you'll Take A Chance On Me. Give me a Ring Ring, Honey Honey. I want you to Lay All Your Love On Me, in my Tropical Loveland. I'll be your Dancing Queen and your Nina, Pretty Ballerina -- that's Two for the Price of One! (You can be Chiquitita, or Fernando, as long as we Dance, While The Music Still Goes On.) Knowing Me, Knowing You, One of Us will soon ask what's The Name of the Game. Indeed, Love Isn't Easy (But It Sure Is Hard Enough). When All Is Said And Done, guess we'll say So Long and Move On. You'll still be My Love, My Life. Voulez Vous?

Daniella, you ARE the Abba-o-rama (Dancing) Queen of All Time! Your PhD in Abba Studies in Sweden sure paid off. (I bet you’ll be watching that faux-Abba concert come VD.)

Now go get a f**king life.

Episode: Happy VD!

I’ve been formally invited by The Good Doctor to the annual TA Cowboys and Indians Night this VD, 10pm, at Shakey’s Katipunan, right after the evening performance of “Enemy Of The People.”

The invite says, “TA members and alumni who choose to be single and unattached on Valentine's day (the Indians) are invited to spend a witty, fun-filled, and irreverent evening taking potshots at persons who have chosen to be attached (the Cowboys) while feasting on pizza and mojos.”

Oooh, tempting, tempting! Especially the potshots part.

But I’ve made other plans and I’ve always done the Cowboys-and-Indians thing for the past I forget how many years already. So it’s time for me to move on and do a different VD this year.

Heavy traffic and crowded places threaten to throw a wrench on our plans this Saturday, so for me the best plan is to have no plan at all. Wing it and see what happens. Just enjoy the people I’m going to be with this Saturday. The company alone is enough for me.

Episode: Morning Workout

There are things one shouldn’t talk about in The McVie Show. Like this really cute guy stealing glances at me in the steam room of the gym this morning. So I hitched up my towel higher, allowing him a glimpse of me. Then I looked straight into his eyes. So he gestured for me to follow. We stepped out of the hot steamy room and entered a shower stall where we proceeded to make hot, steamy… siopao.

Okay, so it wasn’t a Chinese culinary act, silly, but it did involve eating... sans chopsticks.

Afterwards while dressing up, we made small talk. He works in a call center near our gym. Oh great. I made out with a smooth operator.

Maybe next time I should target a news anchor. Then I can say I gave good head to a talking head.

But I really shouldn’t be talking about that.

Episode: The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend your life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life that you could save.

Last night Leigh's cards spoke the painful truth.
It will be a difficult path, but I will succeed.
I owe it to me. I owe it to the ones I love.

Episode: Dying Is Easy, Comedy Is Hard

I was discussing with an excellent acting coach about the difference between dramatic actors and comedians. She reinforced my longstanding suspicion about comedians: they survive because of their wit.

There’s this stereotype: comedians have lousy personal lives and have gone through a lot of hurt and pain, so that’s why they’re hilariously funny in front of an audience. But most comedians’ hurt-and-pain existence is nothing extraordinary compared to others. So pain does not make a comedian funny.

What comedians tap is their wit. To be able to see the funny side of things, one must be able to stand back, look at something and find the incongruous in it. Dramatic actors and drama queens wallow in the emotion; comedians step back and smirk. Dramatic actors use their feelings; comedians use their heads.

That’s why “head” people are often funnier than “heart” people; they can objectify their experience so that they can laugh themselves, at their situation, at the incongruity of a moment. Comedy demands a mind that can detach.

When I was younger, I bought into the Hollywood romantic notion of the heart triumphing over the head. But my personal experience taught me to sharpen my mind; unfortunately, I also learned how to numb myself emotionally.

I relied on my head too much. I embraced the head-over-heart notion. For me being rational was what made us truly human: we think, we decide, we choose. Emotions were merely a complex set of neurological impulses sent by the brain, conditioned throughout evolution. Even a bitch can feel for her puppies.

Only when I was a lot older, when I was more confident of myself, that I became more comfortable being in touch with my emotions. And it was then that I realized that one must learn to balance both.

I love the symbol of theater, the laughing/crying mask. To strike a balance, one needs the other, the push-and-pull tug-of-war of opposing forces. Yin and yang. Upstream and downstream. Good and bad. Happy and sad.

The acting coach said she had a difficult time getting soap opera actresses to be funny. They were so conditioned to drama that their immediate, almost Pavlovian, reaction to anything is to emote. This made me admire even more those actors and actresses who can switch from drama to comedy effortlessly.

I need to work on my dramatic skills more. But don’t worry, The McVie Show isn’t changing format anytime soon.

Musical Interlude: I Don’t Know What You Want But I Can’t Give It Anymore by Pet Shop Boys

I “rediscovered” this song last night as I was looking through my old albums. I loved it the first time I heard it.

Did you get what you want?
Do you know what it is?
Do you care?
Is he better than me?
Was it your place or his…
Who was there?
Did you think it was wrong?
Do you find that it’s worse than how it was?
Has it gone on too long?
Do you mind that it hurts me because…
You’re breaking my heart.

Don’t know what you want but I can’t give it anymore.
Don’t know what you want but I can’t give it anymore.

You’re breaking my heart.

Was it cracking the code,
Or just filling in time?
Was that all?
So then why’d you go back
To the scene of the crime?
Did he call?
Shall I take the blame,
Or another assault on how it was?
Then we’ll get to the fact
That it’s always my fault just because…
You’re breaking my heart.

Don’t know what you want but I can’t give it anymore.
Don’t know what you want but I can’t give it anymore.

You’re breaking my heart.

Don’t know what you want…
Don’t know what you want…

Episode: Johnson & Johnson

Let me set the record straight, even if I’m gay. (Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!)

Daniel or Daniella has graciously… nay, maliciously reminded me—and in the process exposing my sordid past to my audience—about our classmate na itago na lang po natin sa initials na JJ.

Jake, another beloved classmate of mine, has also pointed out that said JJ used to be teased by our classmates as malaki ang ulo (having a big head). Jake and his more innocent ilk have always assumed the guys were referring to JJ’s head above his neck.

Well.

Here it is:

[1] Daniel or Danie—fuck it, I’m calling him “Bitch”—said that he recalled that I mentioned JJ as a “crush” in a coming-out conversation in New World Coffee Shop eons ago. Let me clarify some things about the said conversation:

(a) Yes, I admit I did mention JJ as a “crush.” But truth is… I lied. I only mentioned JJ because he seemed like a harmless, neither-here-nor-there choice. JJ’s a safe choice: not good-looking but not ugly either; not too smart but not scrapping the bottom either (well, he was in the lower rank in our class, but that’s still the honors class). He’s a nice guy, not a bully. No one will go, “Whaaaaat?! Why him?!” with my choice.

(b) If Bitch will remember, I was flippant with my answer, pretending I was embarrassed about revealing who my crush was. I was flippant because I was making it up as I went along.

[2] Jake mentioned that JJ has a big head. To be honest, I have always thought that JJ indeed has a big head… on his shoulders. Not to mention he has a very wide forehead. I saw his picture at a magazine recently. You can land a 747 on his brow. He and Bong (Now, now, now, former classmates, BEHAVE! Don’t get me started.) can compete for Alumni Runway Award.

But as to his head that’s connected to a long neck that ends with fuzzy balls… well! Sadly I have no personal knowledge in that area. According to Princess, an ex-GF of JJ had praised his “massive endowment.” Let us take her word for that.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hmmm.

Who has JJ’s number?

Episode: Doing A Michael Jackson

If you watch The Dyowza Chronicles, it seems Nelz has gotten himself a 19-yr old. Good for him. I’m happy for him.

Me? I got dumped by a 17-yr old.

You’d think that at 37 yrs old I should be able to wrap my fingers around a guy that’s nearly half my age. Alas, that 17-yr old has a mind of his own. Plus questionable taste in men.

Then again, he may be the wiser of the two of us. It is obviously a mismatch.

Still, fuck him. Oh yeah! That’s the only reason why I wanted to hook up with him in the first place. Hah!

Oh shit.

That 17-yr old was right all along.

Episode: A Short Story Coming

*****
Dramatis Personae:

Orlando – my trusty Vitara SUV; The SUV Formerly Known As Rupert Jr. (or TSFKARJ)
*****

I met this guy through the net. We exchanged digits, arranged to meet on a Sunday evening.

He was nice and pleasant. He had washboard abs. He was also an inch shorter than me, but I didn’t mind that shortcoming.

He said he came from the gym. He was wearing a Superman shirt; I felt like Lois Lane. We made out quickly, furtively in my car, in the dark, quiet side streets of Marikina, ironically the City of Lights according to our mayor (apparently our shoes aren’t as attractive as they once were).

After his short coming, I dropped him off at his place.

That Sunday was Orlando’s first short time ever. I hope it’ll be the last.

Episode: A Bullet Through My Heart: The McVie Show Valentine’s Special

My first love happened in high school. He was a batch younger. He was also in the honors class, and also a member of the high school theater group.

He had this little-boy aura that’s best described as kulit-bulilit (insistent like a child). That’s where he got his nickname too. I guess I was drawn to this little-boy-lost aura of his; he was a walking wounded soul. He had the regular angst of someone from our high school: studies, classmates, teachers and his best friend. Oh yes, the “best friend” phase of boys at that age. Psychologists usually point that out as the “homosexual stage” in a boy’s life; I call it the Gays with the Lord curse.

Days with the Lord is a high school retreat that subdues Catholic boys into crying, whimpering, prayerful kids. It uses the frat technique of hazing to force Catholic boys to proclaim out loud their love for God and Jesus, for the love of God please don’t hit me! It is a great way for high school kids to rediscover the Lord, their families and loved ones; also a great way for boys to find “girlfriend substitutes” amongst themselves.

Days was the ultimate gay-magnet: many who were out of the closet (and not a few closeted ones) used the retreat as an excuse to say, “I love you” to another guy and expect a hug, not a black eye.

Not a few straight guys fell into the trap of finding “girlfriend substitutes” amongst themselves... and some among the not-so-straight, more flamboyant ones. The closeted ones (me included) had a field day writing “I love you” notes and letters to our crushes.

Through Days I fell in love with Kulit-Bulilit, but he was interested in someone else—his best friend. Fortunately for me they were going through a rough patch in their friendship. I lent an ear while he poured out his angst. I gave my time and accompanied him when he was feeling down and out. I made sure he’d see me as worthy of his time, worthy to be his new best friend.

But things between him and his best friend smoothened, and soon they were inseparable. I was left all alone to sing, “Ika’y aking kaibigan….” (“You are my friend….”)

(I can imagine my high school friends absolutely CRINGING while reading this, MWHAHAHA! [evil laughter galore!])

I don’t know where he is nowadays. Last I heard he’s in the States; I don’t even know if he’s married or not. Part of me is hoping he isn’t; part of me is saying I don’t care.

They say that first love never dies. If I see him today and he’s this fat, balding guy… then the past remains buried deep in the past where it belongs.

But if he turns out to be Brad Pitt… well, that’s another story.

Episode: A Date With The Derma

This Saturday I’m going to the derma to have a check-up. This is the first time ever in my entire 37 years-and-counting-on-this-earth that I’m seeing a dermatologist.

I may have fungal skin infection on my chest. The doctor in our company clinic wants to be sure. On the one hand, I’m going, “Ewww!” to the idea that I have fungus on my skin. But then I just might, so better blast the sucker off, right?

Thank god I have no hot and steamy Valentine’s date. Then again I never had a hot and steamy Valentine’s date in my entire 37 years-and-counting-on-this-earth.

And now by broadcasting it on the web, I’ve just ensured that there will be no hot and steamy Valentine’s date this Saturday.

Then again, it may be worse than fungal. It may be AIDS.

(That’s it! No hot and steamy date EVER in my entire life!)

Episode: Abballistic! The Answers

[1] “SOS”
[2] “Suzie Hang-Around”
[3] “The Winner Takes It All”
[4] “The Name Of The Game”
[5] “Money, Money Money”
[6] “What About Livingstone?”
[7] “Sitting In The Palm Tree”
[8] “Dance (While The Music Still Goes On)”
[9] “Waterloo”
[10] “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)”
[11] “Does Your Mother Know?”
[12] “Fernando”
[13] “Chiquitita”
[14] “Thank You For The Music”
[15] “Take A Chance On Me”
[16] “Ring, Ring”
[17] “So Long”
[18] “Honey, Honey”
[19] “Dancing Queen”
[20] “Angel Eyes”
[21] “Knowing Me, Knowing You”
[22] “Mamma Mia”
[23] “One Of Us”
[24] “Lay All Your Love On Me”
[25] "Super Trouper"
[26] “Summer Night City”
[27] “I Am The City”
[28] “I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do”
[29] “Angeleyes”
[30] “Hasta Manana”

Episode: Straight Shooting

I had a pleasant shock this morning. A friend of mine from way, way back (as in grade school, so that was back in the late 70s) who is now living in the States with his wonderful wife and precocious kid, has been watching The McVie Show. Silly me, I don’t exactly remember if I emailed him about it, so it’s a bit of a mystery to me how he found out about the Show.

Nevertheless, I’m flattered he found it “entertaining.” But it also occurred to me that he might think I lumped him with those who couldn’t score in basketball and with girls. To set the record straight, let me say this now: yes, he could score in basketball and he could have scored with girls if he wanted to. (I remember whenever an all-girl school would watch our plays in high school, the moment he’d come out the audience would let out a gasp and some giggling, to be promptly shushed by the nuns.)

But that got me into thinking: I never really asked my straight friends what they think of my coming out. I mean, if I were in their place, I’d have serious questions. So since they’re not asking, let me ask the questions for them. And I’ll answer as best as I can.

[1] So, did you ever have a crush on anyone of us?

Nope, sorry. I mean I really liked you guys and all, you are my friends, but that’s precisely it. You were my friends before I became honest with myself and decided to confront myself. And I realized one thing about me: the moment I get to know someone and he becomes my friend, the sexual/physical attraction just disappears.

Was there anyone of you AT ALL whom I found cute and handsome? Hmmm… don’t flatter yourselves. Remember whom I was interested in during high school? Well, he wasn’t in our class, HAHAHAHA!

[2] Did you have a crush on anyone IN OUR CLASS?

Well, I found some of our classmates cute and/or physically sexy, but not enough to be labeled a “crush.” I mean, I didn’t feel like following them around or stealing glances at them during class. But I would try to steal glances whenever they’d be dressing up for P.E.—especially during swimming classes (in grade school only, so Daniel… you can let off a sigh of relief now.)

[3] Did you ever check US out when we’d dress up for P.E. or swimming?

Damn, I was always afraid of this question. Sigh... well, I might as well come clean.

(pause for effect)

No.

But I was checking out our other classmates’, uhmmm… packages. Especially the ones of the “jocks.”

Okay, okay, OKAY. To be completely honest, I DID check you guys out but only out of intellectual curiosity, okay?! And do you know whose “package” was Most Promising? Hehehe! It was actually—

SCREEN GOES BLANK, FOLLOWED BY COLOR BARS

THEN THE FOLLOWING TEXT SCROLLS UP FROM DOWN-SCREEN:

The MTRCB has declared that the following material has been deemed UNFIT to be broadcast and is therefore PULLED OFF AIR.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Regular program will resume in a few minutes. Thank you.

BACK TO COLOR BARS.

Episode: Meet Frasier Crane

I realize I have more straight male friends than gay male friends. This is obviously due to my coming out after college; I was afraid to befriend the out ones in school for fear of being branded as one.

So I chose my friends carefully. I was more drawn to the nerdy ones; it was easier to disguise being gay with being a nerd (why, I haven’t really thought about it much. I will one of these days.) My barkada was composed of those who scored high in class but cannot score at all in basketball… or with girls.

Look at Daniel D. Luis, for instance. He was always in the top 10 in the honors class, academically speaking. He’s a straight-A student. He’s also straight, but he knows all Abba songs by heart. He gets excited over the remastered Diana Ross Greatest Hits. He likes Barbra Streisand, fer cryin’ out loud.

But you cannot call him a metrosexual; at best, his fashion can be found in Home And Country and The Economist magazines. He does not have a phalanx of beauty skin products for men. He is fussy over his hair, though. In fact he’s fussy over lots of things; he’s OC. He plans things the day before so that things will happen like clockwork. I asked him if he ever does things spontaneously; his reply he got from a character in the TV series Cheers: “I can be spontaneous so long as I plan for it!” (As for the title of this episode, Daniel thinks he’s Frasier Crane. Whatever.)

But we get along very well. We can take each other for granted and neither takes it against the other. We can go without communicating with one another for months, but when we do it seems like it was only yesterday we last chatted.

He’s a weird Piscean—I think having two Scorpio parents influenced him in more ways than the planets could. Still we share a love for movies, music and bitching. Yeah, he bitches a lot too. Did I say bitches? Hmmm….

Nah, he really is straight.

(P.S.—Daniel, your questions re. Abba I answered in the “Comments” section of the Abbalistic episode.)

Episode: Abbalistic! Part 2

For those who want to answer the Abba quiz (Daniel, you’re exempted! You should be taking your PhD in Abba studies…), you can email your answers to me. Or click on “Audience Participation” and post your answers.

Episode: I Learned

(taken from some email)

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you; all you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion—not proof—to destroy it. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes; after that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others—they are more fucked up than you think. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. I've learned to say, “Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke” in 6 languages.

Episode: Abballistic!

Pilipinas, game ka na ba?! Well, after seeing all them boring tests in other people's blogs, we at The McVie Show have decided to put up our own quiz show! It's called ABBALLISTIC, and here we will see if you really are a die-hard Abba fan or not.

All you need to do is identify the title of the song where the following lines come from. Game ka na ba?

[1] When you’re gone, how can I even try to go on?
When you’re gone, though I try, how can I carry on?

[2] So get off her back and let her be
Why can’t you play together in harmony?

[3] The judges will decide
The likes of me abide

[4] But I think I can see in your face
There’s a lot you can teach me

[5] I work all night, I work all day
To pay the bills I have to pay

[6] Tell me, wasn’t it worth the while
Travelling up the Nile?

[7] But I will stay here among my coconuts
And you will know, dear, you're everything I've got

[8] Oh my love, it makes me sad
Why did things turn out so bad?

[9] The history book from the shelf
Is always repeating itself

[10] There’s not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer

[11] You’re so cute I like your style
And I know what you mean
When you give me a flash of that smile

[12] Though we never thought that we could lose
There’s no regret

[13] Let me see you sing once more
Like you did before

[14] But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
‘Cause everyone listens when I start to sing

[15] If you need me, let me know, I will be around
If you’ve got no place to go when you’re feeling down

[16] I was sitting by the phone
I was waiting all alone

[17] You won’t have me tonight,
Alright, alright, alright, alright!

[18] And now I know what they mean
You’re a love machine!
Oh, you make me dizzy!

[19] You can dance, you can jive
Having the time of your life

[20] One look and you’re hypnotized
He’ll take your heart and you must pay the prize

[21] Walking through an empty house, with tears in my eyes
Here is where the story ends. This is goodbye.

[22] Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything

[23] They pass me by, all of those great romances
You were a friend robbing me of my rightful chances

[24] I wasn’t jealous before we met…
Now every woman I see is a potential threat

[25] Lights are gonna find me shining like the sun
Smiling, having fun… feeling like a number one

[26] I know what’s waiting there for me
Tonight I’m loose and fancy-free

[27] I’m the street you walk
The language you talk

[28] Love me or leave me,
Make your choice but believe me—
I love you!

[29] You think you’re in paradise
And one day you’ll find out he wears a disguise

[30] Darling, our love is much too strong to die
We’ll find a way to face a new tomorrow

Episode: Flashback, Warm Nights, Almost Left Behind….

Christmas, 2003: me and the family were in Bohol for vacation. I was in a department store (yes they have those in Bohol; they even have those infra-red thingys that read the bar code for the item price) when I heard a saleslady singing aloud her version of Britney Spears’ first hit. Her lyrics went something like this: I must confessed that my lonely nest is killing me now….

Past tense na, ginawang pugad pa. Ano ba yun?!

I wanted to hit her, baby, one more time.

Episode: The McVie Top 5 (week of 02-08 Feb 2004)

Ngyek! Forgot to post my Top 5 last night. And no wonder… nothing much changed except for one new entry.

[5 / new entry] Milkshake / Kelis
I like the percussion and beats of this song. Its subject is too hetero-female, but what the heck.

[4 / last week: 4] Shut Up / Black Eyed Peas
I honestly thought this’ll go up the charts this week, but I guess they’re no match for…

[3 / last week: 3] Stacy’s Mom / Fountains Of Wayne
…rockin’ out music plus a cutesy “taboo” subject.

[2 / last week: 2] One Of These Days / Michelle Branch
The more I hear the instrumentation, the more I’m reminded of early Phil Collins solo efforts—slow piano and drum beat beginning, then a slow build up.

[1 / last week: 1] Toxic / Britney Spears
3 weeks at number one. I’m sorry, but Britney (or rather, her producer) still rules.

Episode: Fet Feebe, Farth Thwo

Spotted at 7-11 for their valentine's promo: "How do I love thee? I've lost count of the ways..." thus the copy of their poster went.

So I checked out 7-11's innumerable ways, and lo and behold: cheap flowers, cheap heart-shaped balloon, cheap chocolates and cheap candy, cheap, cheap, cheap!

Valentine's is now a jolog occassion.

So I bought two boxes of their chocolate to see what they tasted like. Hmmm, ala-Curly Tops! Not bad.

Episode: Alone Again, Naturally

Saturday evening I watched Tanghalang Ateneo's gala night show of Enemy Of The People by Ibsen at the Rizal Mini Theater. Kudos ("kudos"?!) to Ricky Abad, his excellent cast, artistic staff and crew for a powerful and moving piece of theater.

I especially liked the last line in the play: We are the strongest people in the world, and the strong must learn to be lonely.

What a perfect quote for Valentine's, I thought.

Later on after thinking about it seriously, I decided to revise the quote to something that more suits me: We are the strongest people in the world, and the strong must learn to be alone.

There's a world of difference between lonely and alone.

Episode: Fet Feebe

Friday around 7pm a PA (production assistant, the lowest of the lows for production people) approached me with a betacam tape containing the next episode of a show I'm to make a TV plug (or TV spot, same meaning).

"Kuya," he said. PAs address everyone as if they're relatives. "Sorry po. Our material is late."

I pushed my temper back down. "Okay lang," I said in my most Miss Pleasantville approach.

"Kuya," he added, "Can we get the material back as soon as possible?" My temper rising again. "We still have to edit tonight and we need the material."

"But I still have to preview it!"

"Sir...." Suddenly I'm not related to him anymore. "Okay lang. I can just pinpoint the scenes you need so you don't have to preview the whole tape. You can just get sniffets."

I raised my right eyebrow to the high heavens. "Sniffets?" Emphasis on the offending consonants.

He remained oblivious. "Yes sir. I can point out just the important scenes."

"At least we'll have a spot that's right on the nose," I sniffed.

It's his turn to look puzzled. "What?"

"The spot will hit the spot, so to speak." Same look on his face. "It'll be precise. It'll be exact. It'll be nevermind," I gave up. "Give me the tape, I'll take care of it."

Only then his facial expression changed. "Thank you kuya!" he said, visibly relieved and instantly a relative again.

Sigh. If Miss Smurfette became a nymphete, she'd be a Snyffette.

Episode: Ah, The Humanity...

Reading other people’s on-line woes makes me think, “I’m so cheerful I should be shot.” If I can harness all the sadness on the net through the blogs, I’d have enough energy to fuel a small African… continent. :-)

Seeing other people struggling with their lives makes me appreciate the fact that we are all the same—all struggling with living.

Episode: Mmmmmm, mmmmmm, mmmmmm, mmmmmm….

There are some days when I realize that I can be so shallow. Some days I feel like I’m slowly drifting away from being a good person.

What’s interesting is that I’m not really bothered by the realization. Well, not in a “Boy, I have this heavy feeling in me” kind but more like an “Oh dear, I’m drifting, aren’t I?” feeling.

And no amount of reading and re-reading my Friendster testimonials can make me feel any better.

But then this feeling slips off like slime, leaving a stain on my soul. And I continue living.

Episode: A Public Apology And A Shout-Out

To my dear, dear friends in The Met who may be watching The McVie Show, I'm sorry I wasn't able to attend your launch last night. As you can see from my previous episode I had completely forgotten all about it. Please note that my forgetting does not reflect on your company's image whatsoever; rather, it is a statement of my advancing age and loss of memory cells. That, and a raging libido.

To make up for it, here's a shout-out:

Please support The Met, the newest professional theater company that's raring to set the Philippine theater world on fire! Young, brash and talented, they have the fire and the idealism that'll create waves and forge new standards in Philippine theater. Watch out for their first production, William Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, coming soon.

Look out, Philippines, here comes The Met!

Episode: Talk Is Cheap, But Cheap Sex Is Cheaper

*****
Dramatis Personae:
Jo – 33 yrs old, copywriter but yearns to be a creative writer
M – two(?) years older than Jo, his significant other of 8 years, loves antiques and bees
*****

Last night I was feeling horny so I went to Blue Avenue, where they show gay porn and there are backrooms where those watching porn can replicate what they just saw.

I entered the place, a lioness surveying the field, looking for prey. I spotted someone in the gloom of the TV glare, holding a San Mig light and watching earnestly—hey, it’s Jo! Hmmm… and no M? My chismosa radar went on full alert.

You see, Jo and M have been in a very stable relationship for 8 years. Those who don’t know them may think they’re a boring couple, but they’re not. I saw them on two separate occasions prowling the corridors of that infamous bathhouse in Pasay—together, mind you. Well, they were prowling separately, but I’m sure they shared a room (whether they shared a guy, I don’t know; I was too embarrassed to ask).

But what’s this? Jo going solo flight? Trouble in paradise, perhaps?

His face lit up when he saw me. Quickly he pulled me out of the viewing room and we chatted along the corridor.

“Hey, I got accepted for a creative writing scholarship in _____ University! It’s a full scholarship with stipend, it’s three years, and I have an option to teach there!” he said.

“Yeah, I heard about it,” I replied. “Congrats!” We were trying to keep our voices down in deference to the other night creatures prowling along the corridor. “Where is _____ University?”

“It’s in Louisiana.”

“Oooh,” I whispered under my breath. “Bible belt country!”

“But it’s only 5 or so hours from New Orleans!” he added.

“Oooh!” Change tone. “Cajun-flavored meat!”

Jo explained to me the preparations he had done, details of the campus, how he got the scholarship, etc. I asked him, “So how does your husband feel about this?”

Jo smiled even wider. “He’s so happy and excited for me. At first he was thinking, Louisiana? But when I told him it’s the antique capital of the South, he got excited.”

“But you’ll be gone for a long time,” I probed deeper.

“Yeah, but he says he can visit me anytime, he already has a visa. Plus I will be coming home during summer and Christmas vacation, so it’s okay.”

Okay, I can see there are no marital problems here. “I suppose you’ve gone through the so-called seven-year itch,” I said. “If you’ve passed that, you can cope better with change and growth both as individuals and as a couple. So I see this as an opportunity for the both of you!”

Jo was nodding his head.

“I’m so happy and excited for the two of you!” I said. “And I’m so jealous I’m gonna smash that beer bottle on your head, hahaha!”

After a few more minutes of banter we decided to go back to the viewing room. But the hunt was now off. I let the warthogs—and a lone gazelle—graze amongst themselves. After a few minutes, I nudged Jo, “Fly na?” He too was not in the mood anymore.

We ended up chatting and laughing the whole time while I brought him to his house. A night of sexual turned social intercourse… I am growing old, hahaha!

Episode: Cross-plugging Is It!

I have to return the favor of plugging other people’s blogs, even though they threaten to be funnier than The McVie Show.

Visit Leigh’s blog (see Links on the right) and check out the entries (and comments) entitled “The Sensual World” and “Just How Randy Are You?”

I swear the latest one really made my Friday morning. I was giggling so hard my officemate beside me turned and asked, “Are you alright?”

Thank you Randy, whoever you are, for the gigglefest.

Episode: The Eighth Endless

A tribute to Neil Gaiman's The Sandman series. For the fans, enjoy. For the non-fans, try to enjoy.

And then there is Death.

But there is still one more sibling, an eighth Endless who remains a mystery. His name is Dedma.

Nobody remembers when he was born. That detail is written in Destiny’s Book, but not even the Eldest of the Endless remembers which page it is on. Dedma has not attended any Family gathering since the beginning, and he barely responds when called upon, if at all. Then again, his brothers and sisters never consciously seek him out anyway. Of all the siblings, it is Desire who fears him the most—so much so that if his name is mentioned, Desire will not even recognize it.

His sigil is an expressionless mask, which he wears on his neck. He acts not out of responsibility but out of choice. If you should bump into him, do not pay him any attention. He won’t mind you either.

Episode: Thunder Cats Are Go!!!

My beloved company is a co-sponsor of this male revue called Thunder from Down Under, Australia’s answer to Chippendales. Naturally all the gays in this darling institution are angling to get complimentary tickets. Contrary Me didn’t bother anymore, thinking, “Oh, every Tom who likes Harry’s Dick from this company will be there.”

Then I found out that there would be a show on the 14th, the dreaded red-letter day. Hmmm… what perfect counter-programming! If I can get two tickets for Nelz and Kervs, then they’d definitely have a Valentine’s to remember.

Alas all the tickets were snapped up within seconds. But I heard that the Thunder Boys would be going to Bed after their show on the 14th. Gasp! Verum est… true ba ititch?

Abangan ang susunod na kabanata….

Episode: And So Without Further Preamble...

Someone goaded me, so here it is.

We, the sovereign Filipino people,
Imploring the aid of Divine Providence
In order to establish a government
That shall embody our ideals,
Promote the general welfare,
Conserve and develop the patrimony of our nation,
And secure to ourselves and our posterity
The blessings of justice, peace, liberty and equality,
Do ordain and promulgate this constitution.

So there. Ha!

Episode: Said The Dalai Lama

The following is from an old e-mail that circulated back in the turn of the millenium.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

I've highlighted the ones which I've really taken to heart and/or prioritized. I still have lots of work to do. As the poster said, "Please be patient. God isn't finished with me yet."

I might have a problem with the cooking part, though.

Episode: Death Be Not Proud

Back in first year high school, we had to memorize John Donne’s poem “Death Be Not Proud” for an elocution requirement. One by one all of us recited it in front of the class. For some strange reason the poem never left my memory banks. I can recite the whole poem at a drop of a hat:

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think’st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor death, nor yet can’st thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy picture be
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow.
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and souls delivery!
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell.
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

I can also recite the preamble of the 1935(?) Philippine Constitution, but that’s another story.

When I was in third year high school, my 96-year old grandmother died on Dec. 26. That was expected. What took the whole family by surprise was my 4-year old brother dying the day after. And he never even had a chance to play with the toys he got for Christmas. My poor dad lost a mom and a son a day apart.

A few years later my best friend died, a victim of a hit-and-well-good-thing-the-taxi-driver-didn’t-run-but-brought-my-friend-to-the-hospital-where-he-was-declared-DOA. I had the important—and I must say, highly dramatic—task of waking up our other friend (who was back here on vacation from his studies in the US) and telling him that Mark was dead, a victim of a hit-and-well-good-thing-the-taxi-driver… blah, blah, blah and all that jazz.

I sharpened my humor, made it darker. I made morbid jokes. I made death jokes. I made jokes that skirted the line between funny and I-don’t-believe-he-actually-said-that! I took potshots at taboo subjects. I said what people were thinking but never had the nerve to say them out loud.

Next month I’m one year closer to Death. She’s just standing there left-of-center, smiling at me, her ankh glittering, a beacon reminding me, “Just you wait, McVie. Your life may be a joke but I’ll have the last laugh.”

Let her wait. Only the good die young… so I’m making sure I’ll live to be a hundred.